Before I got on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT): seeking to define what I was in search of.

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feelings, yesterday.. like sinking gently down in bliss

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh…….
sliding softly backwards…  inwards…
thoughts dawning over me

those feelings
what were they about; for; of?
feelings felt about what?

so quickly past me, in seconds
leaving no details
only the knowledge and certainty
of having felt them

only the memory
lingering in my brain
– though physical, in impression –
– such a few seconds later –
…lingering…

I want that, more of that…
that is the me that I want to be

I won’t grasp –
I’ll just keep searching
with confidence & perseverance
until I
feeeel those things again
…know again, what I once knew…

feelings:
giving someone something they weren’t really expecting
answering an oh-so-familiar glare with
my gentle gaze
knowing & tender

seeing things through
different eyes
a sigh…
something in my walk
lighter…

a feeling of softness
a feeling like sinking
gently giving in
utter and complete immersion in a long drawn-out moment
heaviness gone
– for me, the heaviest, most powerful feeling of all
the weightlessness of a quickly falling elevator
completely natural
lasting longer,  more intense
forever…
this won’t… go… away…
it’s not external
it doesn’t depend on your Science

I believed the lies, once
– it was an illness, a weakness
– something to be ashamed of

now, I’m empowered
now, I know better
now, I’m feeling better

womanly feelings:
what were they about; for; of?
feelings felt about what?

it’s not about anything
feelings,
womanly feelings

(2003)

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